This might just be the most powerful episode of the podcast to date, even though it’s the shortest! We discuss one SUPER deep question: what if there was nothing wrong with you? This really gets to the heart of our work, and how we want to support you to live your lives. We hope you find this episode supportive, inspiring, powerful and maybe even challenging.
If this question is prompting any tingles, sense of curiosity, excitement, nervousness, maybe even resistance in you then we highly encourage you to get in touch with us to carry on the conversation at email@example.com and to take a look at our collaborative coaching offer as it may just be for you.
Discussed in this episode
- The inherited stories that drive our feelings of something being wrong with us
- How our consumer society feeds our stories and beliefs
- The value in doing the inner work to help change the external system
- The personal development treadmill
- What we would do if we believed nothing was wrong with us
Links and Resources
Ellen talked about the Tara Brack meditation, The RAIN of Self-Compassion on Insight Timer, you can find this here.
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Ellen and Kate x
What if there was nothing wrong with you?
[00:00:00] Ellen: Welcome to Create Shift where we have conversations to encourage and inspire positive change hosted by me, Ellen Carr,
[00:00:11] Kate: and me Kate Banks, together we run The Good Space, a place for alternative learning and radical wellbeing.
[00:00:17] Ellen: If you’re ready to rip up the rules and create a life in which you can thrive, then this is the podcast for you.
Hello. Hello. Welcome to another episode of the Create Shift podcast. I think this might just be the best episode that we’ve done and that I’ve done in my time doing the podcast on my own as well, and it’s also the shortest. In this episode, we talk about a question that I heard in a meditation that I did, which is what would, what would you do if there was nothing wrong with you? What if there was nothing wrong with you? And, oh, it’s, I mean, just listening back and especially listening to, to, uh, our discussion it towards the end where we talk about, or what would we do, how would we show up in our lives, and listening to what I shared, it’s it’s really powerful.
Um, and it’s a real like, oh, holy shit. Yeah. Okay. That’s that’s the stuff. That’s the life that I want. That’s what I’m, what I’m focusing on and what I’m here for, or, you know, so please listen to this episode. Um, maybe listen to it many times, come back to it. When you need a reminder, maybe write this question, uh, somewhere and stick it on your wall, on your mirror.
That what would I, what if there is nothing wrong with me? Um, it goes deep. Uh, I joke in the episode that we could just say that question and leave it there, but. Um, yeah, listen to the conversation. It’s, it’s, it’s really interesting. Like I said, I think it might be the best podcast episode, uh, just in terms of what it speaks to and, and kind of how it really speaks to the work that we’re here to do with The Good Space and how we want to support you and, and how we want to support more people to be living.
I thought this would be quite a short introduction, it is not! Yeah. I’m going to go now, but you can tell I’m very excited about this episode. I think it’s going to be really helpful. And I just want to say that if this question, if this conversation has you feeling some response in your body; tingly or a sense of curiosity, a sense of excitement, nervousness, fear, even maybe resistance.
That’s a sign that there is, there’s something here for you and you are interested in this and you are curious to pursue this. And I would really invite you to then engage further with our work, maybe through our newsletter, if you’re not already on it. And you get access to a bunch of free resources that we’ve got on our, our website on the special members only page, there’s meditations, there’s guides.
There’s, there’s lots of other things, but also just come and have a look, at our collaborative coaching page, the links below it’s on the website as well. Have a look at the page, read through it. If you’re still getting those feelings, that curiosity, the tingles, the ooh excitement, nervousness, fear. There’s something there.
Book a free curiosity call with us and to find out if, if we’d be a good fit for working together, because you just, you don’t know where it’s going to lead. And if you’re getting those signs, it’s always worth following them. So. I will leave it here. I hope you find this episode powerful, inspiring, helpful, maybe challenging.
Let us know as well, how you find this. We really welcome you to get in touch via email on email@example.com
I wanted to just talk about this question that I heard in a meditation that I was doing on Insight Timer, which was a Tara Brack meditation. And, I’ll put a link to that. I don’t know if I can link directly to Insight Timer, but I think this meditation is on YouTube.
It was the RAIN of Self-Compassion one. And I think it’s like right near the end. And, um, I think she probably phrases this slightly differently, but it’s, it’s what if you believed that nothing was wrong with you? And I just think it’s such a powerful question for me. It was, like, what if you showed up in your life believing that nothing was wrong with you?
I mean, we could just leave it there, but there you go. Just ponder that question, but, um,
[00:04:42] Kate: and my mind just like goes to goo when you ask that, because it’s such an impossible question. Um, cause we, we basically spend our lives being told there is stuff wrong with us. So then we have like all these decades worth of evidence.
You know that a better word that we have, that we are wrong, that stuff, we do, the feelings, we feel, the thoughts we have, the choices we make. We have lots of wrongness in our past. Um, so the thought of like that clean slate and nothing being wrong and being able to move forward, not with no consequences, but without the, without the pressure of having to, uh, be so caught up in the outcome and,
oh, I’m stuck with what I want to say with this. Um, and I think this is kind of an accurate description of when you said you wanted to do this podcast. And I was just like, but I can’t, I can’t, it was wrong. ’cause I think, you know, there there’s this very purist view in my mind that if I believe there was nothing wrong, I would do all the things, all the things, everything.
And I know that that’s not, that’s not possible. There’s always going to be reasons why I can’t do all the things. And then I got caught get caught up in the. Well, well, how do I, how do I get to that place where I believe there’s nothing wrong with me? I don’t know. I don’t think I’m making much sense. So do you want to talk about it?
[00:06:27] Ellen: Um, I mean, I had a similar reaction.
It was like, holy shit. You know, um, it’s such a powerful question. I suppose it’s just asking the question is a start. To be like, oh, is that possible? Because you’re right. We, we get told from such an early age that there’s something wrong. And I think even before we might be told that we absorbed that, you know, we know that as children, we learn a lot, not through what we’re directly told, but what we observe.
So how many of us, most of us would have observed our parents or those who are caring for us or siblings or, you know, people around us, teachers even. Acting like they believe something was wrong with that. Uh, you know, we get it a lot to do with body size. You know, I remember my mum kind of doing aerobics exercises when I was quite young, because you might want to lose weight, want to make my waist, you know, an eighties hangover of like, you know, trim, trim, waist, um, uh, and stuff. And so. You know, or we, we hear or see people berating themselves for things that go wrong. And so we learn that, and then we get put in the big, what we mean it from when we’re born, and in the west, the capitalist system.
And that is, well consumer society is built on, on us needing to believe that there is a lot of stuff wrong with us. Because if we all stop believing, and this is why it’s so radical, if we all started believing there was nothing wrong with us, our consumer society would collapse.
[00:08:10] Kate: Oh, for sure. It’s crazy. I mean, especially for women or for anyone that identifies as a woman, the amount of marketing that is around us being, something being wrong with us and something we need to fix. I mean, the absolute bonkers stuff, that’s out there to fix things that aren’t even an issue.
[00:08:27] Ellen: Yeah. Yeah. I think it’s, it’s in everything, you know, that’s how we get sold stuff. This phone will make your life better. Um, because it’s not enough right now because you are not enough right now. Um, it’s everything.
So yeah, I guess recognizing that it’s part of a system is important because systems take a long time to dismantle and that system then builds a system within us, you know? That’s interesting. Isn’t it? Nobody said it like that before. Cause you know, Ayurveda’s view is we’re a microcosm of the macrocosm.
Oh my God. I’m really excited by this thought. That like this external system that we’re part of builds a replica system inside of us. So the start of making changes to the external system is by dismantling the system inside of us. Oh my God. I’m really excited by this idea.
Because I’ve always believed that it’s valuable working on ourselves and that, that is the way to start to make change outside in the world. So that’s just clicked for me
[00:09:34] Kate: and exactly what you just said that, you know, by all of us making, starting to make those changes that starts dismantling the system. It stops the power, it’s taken away from it because we’d stop subscribing to it.
[00:09:46] Ellen: Yeah. And we will spend our money in different ways. And that is one of the major ways that we can make changes I believe in our society. Um, Oh, there’s something else that you said earlier that was like, yes, you did talk about that. God, I forgotten it now.
[00:10:03] Kate: That’s all right. I had a thought. So the other thing I found interesting is I took myself onto a little dream adventure. What would I be like if I believed there was nothing wrong with me, how would I, how would I look? How would I act? What would I do? You know that. I it’s like typical coaching, like perfect day example that I hate for lots of reasons, but it, you know, took myself on that dream world of what would I be doing.
And I think that it’s, it’s a fun exercise to do because it made me realize, so, just some of the few things that I would like to be doing, and are holding me back and then it allowed me to explore those in a bit more detail of, you know, where those stories have come from, why I’m not doing them and what else I could be doing. So I think there is some value in looking at what would I be doing?
[00:10:55] Ellen: Do you have any examples that you’d be happy to share?
[00:10:58] Kate: Um, yes, no, I do. So, um, the ones I’ve made a note of these; fall fast and often, so I’m a big perfectionist. It was a big thing, I guess, at school, but also in my job that it had to be precise and correct.
So we would typically spend a long time making something perfect before you let people review it or put it out into the world. But that. It kind of limits how much you can do and limits, kind of your options. And it’s boring. I kind of like a bit of, you know, doing lots of stuff and changing. So, you know, falling fast and often is for me a lot more exciting way to be living and a lot more enjoyable.
And. Yeah, it’s something that feels very alien to me, but I would love to do, and I think the other one is rest when I needed to, or when I wanted to, rest is such a big thing for me that I don’t rest. And then I just end up feeling awful. Um, but yeah, if I believe nothing was wrong with me, I would rest, I would believe that rest was okay.
[00:12:14] Ellen: Yeah. And that just really highlights, doesn’t it, how much of our behavior, does come from this belief that we’re not enough or we’re not good enough, or, you know, we, there is something wrong. Yeah. So this is, this is a very powerful question. And I remembered the thing I was going to say before was that the self-development industries is based on the fact that some something’s wrong with us.
Oh yeah. Completely. And I think that’s where we, and I’m not saying we were alone in this, but we are different. And in our approach, you know, to coaching and, and to supporting people. Because I think for us, it is fundamentally about connecting people back to, to what is already inside of them. It’s not saying you need to work on this, you need to improve this.
You need to do this thing. You need to beat this habit. It’s no, you need to, or we would like to support you to, to come back to everything that’s already there right now. And to realize that that’s that’s enough and that’s great. And that’s all you need.
[00:13:22] Kate: Yeah, yeah. To me, it’s that facilitation of, you know, allowing people to understand themselves like truly and fully, and be able to make choices from an informed point of view and not be living from other people’s expectations.
And it it’s that internal work. And it is that belief that we are all whole and complete just as we are
[00:13:47] Ellen: And it’s that seeing of that, holding that, accepting that. Um, because personal development can be such a, it’s just part of it’s part of our system, isn’t it? And I’ve got stuck in it like, doing this book and I’ve got to do this work on myself.
And now I realize that actually I’m not, this is a problem that I’ve got, or so it’s reframing it, I suppose, as well going there, this isn’t a problem that I’ve got. I’m not, there’s nothing wrong with me about why I’m doing this and it’s fine to observe stuff to be like, oh, that’s interesting that I’m doing that. I wonder why I’m doing that. Um, and it’s, it’s, it’s not saying that we might not have things that we want to alter, I suppose, you know, we might want to rewrite a belief. That doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with us.
[00:14:33] Kate: No, and it’s, and I think the other thing is that we teach people the tools and that’s, when I’ve been coached myself, that’s what I found the most powerful that you teach people to do their own coaching. It’s not the, you know, there is this real cycle that you do one course, and then you do another course, and then you do another one, and then you go to the next tier, and I kind of really disagree with that approach. Yeah.
You know, my main aim for wanting to be a coach was just to give people the tools that they can do that work themselves, and to ask those important questions and to make choices from a place that feels good from them. Um,
[00:15:12] Ellen: yeah, and for me, it’s always been the same with the whenever, whatever I’m doing, really like if I’m sharing yoga Asana practice or whether it’s, um, the Ayurveda, kind of sharing Ayurvedic theory and practices, or what is the whole thing together?
And certainly now with our coaching it’s drawing on the whole thing together. It is giving people, um, tools to understand themselves more fully to connect to themselves and, and little things that they can just do every day. So my intention is always, in whatever I share that somebody could come to one thing, you know, it could come to one yoga class or they could do one course, or they could come to, they could have coaching with us sort of one time.
And it would be for three months, the package or whatever, but, you know, and the, after that they could go away. And whether it’s just one yoga class, they still got something that they can do. That is helping them therefore then, and they can just integrate that into their lives rather than this ongoing thing that is that system that we’re in. There’s always something wrong with you. And once you’ve uncovered thing, then you’re going to uncover something else. So you’re going to need to stay and keep working with us forever and ever, um, just like on this treadmill. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That feels properly, um did you have anything else to say on this?
[00:16:35] Kate: I was just going to ask you, how would you show up if you believed nothing was wrong with you?
[00:16:43] Ellen: Um, I haven’t done what you’ve done, like the thinking through the day. Um, so, I guess it, I would, I would have full compassion for myself and other people, and I think it would really alter how I would interact with others, because I think often, uh, in, in interactions with other people that we’re in relationship with, um, that something that comes up for them can then trigger something in us that makes us feel like we did something wrong, but we’re not going to say, I think it would, it would, um, I could probably be more present in, in relationships, uh, and
just like, let go more. And I think, you know, so that’s like the relaxing thing that you said as well, but like, just like go. And so I think I would enjoy more. I think I would experience more pleasure because I wasn’t holding onto the need to, to kind of do more, be more, always attain more. So I guess connection, pleasure and relaxation. God, that sounds nice, doesn’t it?
Yeah, I’ve done it. And I think the first step, you know, since I heard that is just again with everything, it’s awareness. So that has been sort of noticing, um, my self talk and going, oh, that’s me believing. I’m not good enough again. That’s the first step. Um, yeah. So maybe it’s a journaling question for anybody listening or, you know, however you’d like to, to process things.
Maybe you want to take it out on a walk or you want to, um, meditate on it, or you want to journal, or you want to paint, or however you kind of connect inside. Um, but just see what comes up for you. And again, and as ever, you can email us, uh, for further conversation around, around this podcast, uh, firstname.lastname@example.org.
You can connect with us through our newsletter that we send out weekly sometimes more, sometimes less, um, where we continue this sort of conversation and support you, to continue doing the work, to connect to yourself, to, uh, live in alignment with yourself and to connect to others around you and the natural world.
And we’ll pop the link down in the show notes for you to sign up there. And if you do want to be supported with this, uh, with this kind of work, Then we’ve got our collaborative coaching program, which is at the moment you can sign up for three months and that’s all the details again, is on the, on the website www.thegood-space.com. We’ll put the link below, feel free to have a read through if you’re getting any kind of sense that this might be for you, but you’re uncertain. Um, please do book in a call with us. It’s a free 20 minute call. There’s absolutely no pressure to sign up at the end of it is really just for us to meet each other and see whether it might be a good fit and whether we might be able to support you. And, um, yeah, we look forward to meeting those of you who book calls and to continuing the conversation with you in whatever way feels best, until next time.
Thank you for listening to Create Shift. We hope you found it inspiring and supportive.
[00:21:01] Kate: If you’re enjoying this podcast, please consider taking a moment to leave us a review and a rating, and to share the episode with a friend.
[00:21:09] Ellen: For more from us, and to sign up to our newsletter, head to www.thegood-space.com.show less